home. puking in laundry basket.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
