i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
