why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
