I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
