I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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