Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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