Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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