my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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