woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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