Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Someone signed my nipple.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
