Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
