On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
