hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you will always have a special place in my vag
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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