Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
