I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
