i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
