so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
