We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
