Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
