People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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