No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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