i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
