I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
