I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
