literally had 100 drinks last night.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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