I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
