What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
