Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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