i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
