we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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