Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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