hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
