I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
