Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sorry my hands just texted you
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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