I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
