K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
