Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
