my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Even my vagina gasped.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
