You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
