Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
