I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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