Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
