if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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