Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
