Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
