Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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