just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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