I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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