the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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