You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
