so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
