If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
