Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
