i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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