I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
