Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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