porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
