Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
