went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
