it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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