2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
bring money and cleavage
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Can you bring me the toilet please
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
