your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
