so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
