what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
