I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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