how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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