she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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