It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
