please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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