i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
